I quit my job and I’m supposed to be looking for a new job. I don’t really want a new job. I hate being stuck in the 9-5 daily have no time for you. No time for self care. No time to do the things you love or that your passionate about. No time for friends and family because let’s be honest. By the end of the day you’re too exhausted to do anything but eat then go to sleep. How can you do the things you want to do in life and still be able to make a living?

Leaving My Daycare Kids

Today was a hard day. I left my job at a daycare. And the kids broke my heart. They were clinging to me begging me not to leave and asking me why I had to leave and where I was going. They told me I was there favorite teacher there and they didn’t want me to go. And even kids that I thought hated me started crying because I was leaving. These kids filled my heart with love for them. The said I could come back and visit which is awesome and the kids will love that. My heart feels like all of their little hands tore it to shreds. I’m so sad to have left. It was amazing to see that I had more of an impact on these kids than I thought I did.

Has anyone else felt like this from a job? Or have some uplifting things for me.

Wishing your life away..

One thing I don’t like about life is you wish it away. Especially if you are working. You wish it was Friday so the weekend could start. Dread the Mondays and wish it was Friday again. I know I’m guilty of it. I wish it was Friday more and more. That’s 4 entire days a week that yo wish away. 16 days a month and 208 days a year. That’s the majority of the year. The problem is I don’t know how to stop. I mean I do, but that requires quitting my job and living for myself. However, everything costs money. Which gets me back on my point about how life is an endless cycle and we are not meant to live like that. But I’ll talk about that another time.

Hard days…

Some days are harder than others. We all have them even if we don’t want to admit it. Today was a hard day for me. I lost my dad May 2019 and all I could do today is think of my dad. I cried on and off most the day. I thought of what he would think of what I’m doing. How he would encourage me to do it and rock it and have confidence and when I came home and told him I didn’t pass he would sit there well that’s okay you will get it next time. I wish I could hear him in person but I know his spirit was talking to me telling me those things. I felt very close to him today but I also miss having him in person. I miss hugging him and him teaching me things and joking with him and racing with him and dancing in the garage together. I miss all of the memories we made. I’m sad for all the memories we will never get to make. Today was hard. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Be like the flowers

Over the past few days I’ve been watching my peony bloom and the rose bush next to it as well. Some of the peony blooms are starting to fall and the rose has already fallen. I love watching the process of the flowers. It’s a reminder that we are always growing and changing and sometimes that process may take us through deep times where we feel like part of us has changed so much it no longer exists. That’s okay. It’s what life is bout. Learn and grow just like a flower.

Working out

I’m trying to make working out a habit. It is so hard and I have failed before. I know it takes 22 days to make a habit but I think it’s different for this. How do you make working out not feel like a chore. I currently have it put in on my lunch break because I don’t have time to do it when I get home in the evenings. I’d rather have my lunch break to sit and hang out for a while since I’m always on my feet at work but I can’t seem to make time at home. Anyone have any tips?

Finding yourself

I feel like the older I get the more I find myself. I’m learning a lot in life right now. I’m learning that I enjoy things that my family doesn’t approve of. I am learning that as long as I’m comfortable I don’t need to worry about other people’s opinions. Including my families. I have to do what’s right for me. I have to find my true self.

Being Angry at God…

I walked into the house and I heard mom and Cora on zoom with a Bible study group. I heard the question, “When was a time you were angry at God?” I knew exactly when. I was angry when he took my dad from me. I even told him when I was praying for a miracle that I would be mad at him for a little while but I would eventually get over it. I did. By the time his funeral arrived I knew I had to remember the good times I had with him and appreciate the time I spent with him. I know God has a plan for us and we are not privy to it nor can we control it. It’s hard to accept the bad times and easy to accept the good.

Beauty in Ice

The ice, as dangerous as it can be, is beautiful. The ice falling through the trees is peaceful. The cracking. And tinkling. Brings me peace somehow. I think sometimes we take for granted the beauty of mother nature. We also don’t respect it enough. The chaos and damage it can cause, but the fact that it is beautiful in its own right. It does what it wants. The silence of the woods full of snow. The tinkling of ice in the trees. The crash of waves or water from the waterfall. The power behind a beautiful lightning storm. There is a certain aspect to mother nature that is just amazing and something that we take for granted. I feel like we as people who live surrounded by mother nature should respect her better.