Fire to pages

Who else feels like this? We are all still learning. We go back and look at the chapters of our stories. How many chapters do you want to burn? We can’t and we shouldn’t because all of the chapters in there are important. However, sometimes we definitely want to. Let’s accept those chapters and lessons and use them to learn and grow and be better people.


A book I read on melatonin had different recipes inside it. They were foods that help you sleep. I decided to try one of the recipes. I made pistachio butter and tart cherry/grape jam. I had to change some of the pistachio butter recipe to suit my taste but it wasn’t that different and it turned out to be the perfect combination.

Rose Jam

Someone had been asking me to make Rose jam so I did and I’m so glad I did. It’s fantastic. The only thing about rose jam is rose is such a subtle flavor. I like the peachy pink that came from it though and the flavor is nice. From what I have read, all roses are edible as long as they have not been sprayed with pesticides. Some roses are bitterer than others though from what I understand. I’m not responsible for misidentification or you not doing your own research first. Please be responsible.

Unplanned mess

My grandma was supposed to have surgery yesterday but she ended up not being able to go in because her lung function wasn’t where they wanted it. They cancelled the surgery and admitted her to the hospital. What’s upsetting is she can’t have any visitors. Another worrying thing was while I was there yesterday I saw them move a potential covid patient in across the hall. It’s a super scary thing. So I’m a bit worried about my grandma being by herself and worried about her condition. I haven’t heard anything about her condition. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Another bunny…

I woke up this morning and saw that my last original bunny hopped over the rainbow bridge last night. My sweet girl who gave kisses. She will be so missed. She was my grandma bunny. She was 11 years old which in human years is 81. I know her back end was bothering her a bit, so I’m glad she’s able to hop freely with her sisters in heaven with no pain. My dad now have 3 dogs and 3 bunnies with him in heaven and I know he’s taking good care of them. Much love to all my past fur babies. What helps me grieve is the knowledge that one day I will see them all again and no one will be sick and we will all be happy. I also practice my self care to bring my mood back up. What do you do to help you grieve?


It is hard to see loved ones grow older. They seem to become weaker and more frail and we just want to wrap them in bubble wrap and make them okay again. People say it’s the circle of life and it’s what happens but it doesn’t make it any less hard. What are some coping mechanisms that you use to help you through that time of life of your loved ones? Some of my favorites are remembering happier times, going through old pictures, and doing some of my self care techniques.

Smoking complete

It took me 7 and a half hours to smoke the pork butt today. It was totally worth it. Made one of my dad’s favorite meals in honor of him, smoked pork butt and Carrie fries (what my dad called the fries I made). When I was making them, I kept remembering how he would come in from the garage just to grab a handful and walk off. He ate them as fast as I could make them. Also had a cold Miller light in honor of him as well. Once dinner is a bit more digested we are going to have carrot cake for him as well. I miss him everyday.

Today’s a hard day

In May, I lost my dad. Today is his birthday and all I can think about it how much I wish he was still here. I wish he was teaching me what he knew, dancing to music with me, laughing with me, and hugging me goodnight. I miss him so bad and it hurts everyday. There are good days and bad days. I was really close with my dad. In the beginning I tried to sit with my grief for 15 minutes a day. Sometimes I still have to do that and sometimes I can’t do it at all because it hurts too much. I am also trying to learn what he was going to teach me by myself which is hard. He was a mechanic and he worked on race cars. I know a little bit, but not nearly enough. How does everyone else deal with grief of a loved one?